Getting Started

Getting Started

Welcome to Elliott’s adventures in learning how to write a column. A column is, according to the esteemed Google Search, an upright pillar, typically cylindrical and made of stone or concrete, supporting an entablature, arch, or other structure or standing alone as a monument. That’s right, in this article I will be rating certain types of pillars. Let’s start with Doric. Simple, yet sturdy. It gets the job done but if I was rating my columns with the criteria of “how cool does it look,” I would give it a low score. It’s not very flashy. Luckily, I will be rating my columns on “how cool do they look” as well as “how useful are they.”

Let’s stand back for a second. Elliott. You just spent 10 minutes researching types of columns to keep this sad bit going. How sad is that? Come on, let’s find the actual definition of a column (in newspaper terms). “A column is a recurring piece or article in a newspaper, magazine or other publication, where a writer expresses their own opinion in few columns allotted to them by the newspaper organization.” Thanks, Google. I think I can do this.

I hope you all will enjoy my opinions, or at least not get offended by them. I think it would be pretty hard to get offended by them, anyway. My most radical opinion is probably “SNL is the funniest TV show.” Who’s gonna get offended by that? Jimmy Fallon? No one.

Finally, thank you for reading this and joining me on a journey of self-discovery, vocabulary expansion, and quite a few terrible bits. I hope my columns make your day just a little bit lighter. 🙂