Jan. 31 – Feb. 4
Welcome back to another installment of Elliott trying to write a column. This week’s topic: music. Specifically, earworms. I hate earworms. Like, imagine it’s 11 at night and you’re trying to sleep but then your brain blasts out some lyrics from some song you were obsessed with in 2014. It’s infuriating! So, naturally, I have come up with a few simple solutions to this problem.
Solution number one: Succumb. Not all songs that get stuck in your head are bad. You can just enjoy the free concert in your head!
Solution number two: Think of a better song to get stuck in your head. Having an earworm can be an unpleasant experience, and you’ll need to figure out how to make it more bearable. Off topic, I can’t believe I actually wrote that sentence, I sound like a therapist right now.
Solution number three: The Nuclear Option. Sing whatever song you have stuck in your head at full volume until the people around them get it stuck in their head as well. For this to work, the song should be a pretty well-known song that’s easy to get stuck in your head. This is a very iffy method because you could make many enemies if you do so.

Now, in my experience, I have done each and every one of these tactics, sometimes all in order, to try and get rid of an earworm. It hasn’t worked all the time, but hey, it’s better than nothing. I wish you all luck with future earworms.