I have just acquired a new pair of pants and it has changed my viewpoint on the world. There are so many ways to pair it with other clothes. I could spend a long time staring at all my clothes trying to find the clothes that would look the best with them. Or, I could just throw a T-shirt on and call it a day.

I’m impressed with clothing companies for making pants that can fit most body types. Keyword: Most. There’s always an exception (Me). I feel like the perfect pair of pants is out there, waiting for me to find it, and if I do, it will be like I discovered the secret to world peace. But for now, I’ll have to settle for using a belt.

In the meantime, while I wait for the perfect pair to appear at my doorstep, let’s come up with a temporary solution for this problem (that’s right! More genius solutions!). Maybe everyone should just start wearing skirts (or for the manly men, I would suggest using the term “kilt”) to eliminate the pant length variable. Or, another solution is something I call “3-Dimensional Belts” (patent pending). They’re belts but they don’t only tighten the waist. For example, if you are wearing bell-bottom jeans, you can take the belt and put it around your ankles. Great idea, at least in theory. But we’ll see.